things my mom would tell me

This is one of my favorite stories to tell, I've told it several times before. But, for those who haven't had the privilege, here you go.

So when I was a kid, my mom would work the graveyard shift and my dad was taking college courses after work. All to better the lives of their children, and one day I hope to have a fraction of the dedication and selflessness they had for their family when I have my own wife and kids.

Anyhow, because of their schedules it left my sisters and I at home alone for the better part of the day. My mom, to this day, is a very paranoid person. I chalk it up to her watching the news too much. Like any caring mother would, she gave me instructions before leaving for work.

Mom: Don't answer the door when mommy and daddy are away ok??
Me: Ok, I won't.
Mom: Because some kids will kill you when you open the door...
Me: Ok... I won't.....
Mom: Don't open it to even old people, ok?? Because, sometimes young kids will ask an old person to knock on the door AND THEN POP OUT FROM BEHIND AND KILL YOU!
Me: ........
Mom: OK! Mommy loves you, be a good boy!
Me: ..........

Another time....
Mom: Don't make a lot of noise when mommy and daddy are away ok?
Me: ok
Mom: If they find out that we leave you here alone, they'll take you away from mommy and daddy.
Me:. ................
Mom: Ok! mommy loves you, be a good boy!

I remember one day, this boy band group (I think they were called Color Me Bad) came up on tv. And my sisters apparently thought they were cute or whatever and started screaming out of excitement.

I freaked out.

Sisters: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (girly screeching)
Me: SHUTTUP!!! SHUTTUPPP!!!!

(I was afraid we were going to be "taken" away)