So, in an attempt to kill some time, I’m just going to recall a few random funny stories (some short/some long) that have happened in my lifetime. This will either be hilarious or an epic failure of a post… I’ll decide whenever I get to the end of it…
Here goes….
1. BB Gun:
I don’t know why this is the first thing that comes to mind, but when I was younger I absolutely HATED cats. Our neighbors cats were always defecating in our yard and strutting around like they owned the place, I hated it. At one point, when I was probably 8, I tried to run over one with my bike. The owner came out of the house and promptly cussed at me. I quickly rode away.
Continuing on, so our neighbor’s cat was yet again in our backyard… using it as a bathroom… dirty little bastard… so, I remembered that my dad had a BB gun and I decided I was going to kill the cat…
I got the gun, which was of the pump rifle sort, and went to the backyard. The cat was apparently friendly, or I’d like to think he was pretending to be- it makes me feel less guilty about the animal cruelty that was about to occur- and was basically wanting me to pet him. HELL no, I pumped the rifle, in preparation for the blood bath. However, I didn’t want to shoot point blank because of the lack of challenge and for some reason I thought it’d be a blood bath. So I shooed it, hoping it move away a bit and it did, under the car.
I take a shot, I miss and hit the concrete. I pump and take another. Bulls eye, I shot a hole in the passenger door.
My dad finds out and proceeds to lecture me and tells me that I need to grow up. I was 17 on the verge of moving to Houston to start college…
2. Bazooka Gun:
Staying on the subject of guns, I used to love Nerf guns. In particular, the ones that shot suction cup darts. BUT my dad refused to buy me toys that were weapons for the most part, water guns were the exception. So he bought me this Nerf Water Bazooka. Nerf being a company known for its quality did not disappoint. This gun would drench you in one shot.
Anyhow, one day my sister comes home from playing with her friends she was probably in the 5th or 6th grade, while I was in either the 2nd or 3rd grade; she knocks on the door.
I open it.
Me: “SURPRISE!!!”
and I shot her.
She was drenched, and pissed. Very pissed. She ended up chasing me down and shooting me in the face with the gun. Luckily I thought shooting her was so hilarious that I couldn’t stop laughing anyhow.
And, I lied… I was actually 19….
3. Slap bet:
I was reminded of this story because of a conversation with Andy Chiang. Anyhow, I was dating this one girl. She was not a very big PDA’ish type of gal, nor am I a PDA’ish type of guy. But she HATED it when mutual friends noticed us doing anything remotely affectionate to each other outside of possibly smiling. I’m a little more laid back about that kind of thing.
So one day, I kissed her near some water fountain and very randomly a mutual friend came out of the bathroom right next to the water fountain, saw us kissing and was extremely shocked- as we probably were not officially dating at that point.
The girl being kissed equally shocked, pushed me off of her and slapped me in the face.
That is all.
4. PUNCHED:
So one day, I’m driving to campus from my apartment. It’s a red light and I’m trying to make a right turn. So I check major areas that anyone would check. Pedestrians, one woman was chilling on the corner- clear. Cars coming from the left, not clear…
So, I give my attention to the left, waiting for oncoming traffic to be clear so I can go. Within a minute or so, it’s clear.
I start to go.
For some reason, I don’t know why, I stop. I look up. I see the lady formerly “chilling” on the corner kind of stumbling backwards. I think: “oh crap!”. So, I try to apologize from my car. My windows down because my AC didn’t work and I try to yell out “Sorry!”, but I think I either have a natural smirk about me, that I just look like an ass hole, OR I hit this lady a lot harder than I thought.
Let me tell you, I have NEVER seen a facial expression have so much range. She went from shocked/fearful to the most rage filled look I’ve ever seen.
She storms to the side of my car, I’m expecting to get told off badly and that’s OK because I deserve it.
No.
She swings at my face. Grazes my ear, thank God.
I’m shocked she comes up for another swing and grabs a hold of my shirt. I can’t punch a lady, plus she was huge… she probably would’ve tossed me around like a rag doll. I drive off leaving her fist shakingly mad.
My parting words: “CRAZY B****!”
Damn, I am an ass hole…
5. Graduation Drinking
The night before graduations one year, my roomies (Eddie, Soohyun, Phil, Sukhee, Ray) plus a buncha other folks and I all got pretty trashed downtown. We get home and decide to drink more. We get even more trashed, I don’t remember too much outside of a lot of laughing and that Phil can be a pretty out of control drunk. He threw a red barron’s microwave pizza at my chest, luckily for some reason I was shirtless….
Anyhow, we all fall asleep in the living room, but I dunno how… we all wake up in different areas or rooms and I find myself in Soohyun’s room.
Turns out his dad was coming to pick him up to go to someone’s graduation, his sisters maybe?
Anyhow, his dad decides to knock on the window of his room and I open the blinds shirtless and confused looking.
To this day, I bet his dad wonders what the hell was going on the night before…
Okay, I’ve lost the will to write anymore of these… and I’ve decided this was all worth a chuckle at best…
2 comments:
laughing out loud... i wish i would have seen that lady punch you in the ear. and the look on your friend's dad's face. what happened to the cat?
Definitely going to have to make a blogspot just for you man. Holy crap.
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